VaginismusThe woman of vaginismus is sensitive. She expects special attention and support; she expects that her involuntary (unconscious) reactions she gives, which seem to be exaggerated for an outsider, are understood. Her treatment starts at the very moment when she feels to be understood and she starts to trust.  The other methods solve vaginismus mechanically. But hypnotherapy provides a treatment in both mechanic and pleasure terms. Other treatment applications than hypnotherapy prove to be insufficient in regard to sexual pleasure and recognition. The method we apply in therapy is a Hypnotherapy that includes an Integrated Psychotherapy with an Individual Dynamic Approach. At the second Medical Hypnosis Congress, we declared that we have added a module into our therapy under the name of “Dr. Ulusoy- Simulation Technique” which is developed by us to ease the pleasure received from a sexual intercourse and to teach this to the mind at the very last step of vaginismus treatment. In clinical studies we have conducted, through the simulation technique we also procured receiving pleasure from the sexual intercourses to be experienced. We think that we put the missing piece of the vaginismus treatment with the method we developed. The aim of us in the vaginismus treatment is: “Experiencing a lifelong comfortable and pleasurable sexual intercourse after our therapy.”  We trust in the therapy and the method we apply. Do not forget; whatever may happen, we are with you and YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 
Murat  Ulusoy, MD.  Psychohypnotherapy,
Nazilli / Aydın / Turkey
Since 1992, he has been conducting Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy (Therapy with Hypnosis). He supports the Hypnosis Training Courses offered by Yeditepe University as an instructor. Being a member of Conscious Hypnosis school, and Medical Hypnosis Association, he is also the founding member of Psychotherapy and Hypnosis Association and Applied Hypnosis Association. He is the owner of site in the internet and at the same time he is the owner and moderator of the Hypnosis Group to which physicians and psychologists can be members.  He also holds a Poster Presentation on the issue of “The Treatment of Vaginismus Illness with Hypnosis” that was delivered in the 1st and 2nd Medical Hypnosis Congress. He lectures about Vaginismus and Hypnotherapy at the 3rd step hypnosis courses that are organized by Yeditepe University…
For the vaginismus treatment, Murat Ulusoy, MD applies an integrated psychotherapy within the dynamic and interpersonal hypnotherapy.
*** At the 2nd National and Foreigner Participatory Medical Hypnosis Congress, “the Seesaw Effect”: the secondary erection problem that can be observed in males in the vaginismus treatment and “the Simulation Technique”, making imagination as the last step of vaginismus treatment are declared by Ulusoy, MD  with the appointed names.
What are Medical Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy?
On contrary to many assumptions, hypnosis is not a sleep. It is a state of wakefulness and awareness. When you are under hypnosis, you are not made to do something you do not want. In every phase of the hypnotherapy we apply, your mind is open (Conscious Hypnosis). Hypnosis is a special state where the deep relaxation and receiving instilling increase.  Because of this reason, it is superior to other methods in therapies. Alone, hypnosis is not healing. The important thing is the quality of the instilling that you are to be given under the hypnosis. Firstly mental fear and anxiety are removed, and your confidence to succeed a sexual intercourse is increased with the instilling and the mental and imaginary practices that are given under the hypnosis. You are provided with a mental acceptance of the practices that you are asked to do at home in other treatment options but sometimes find it difficult to do, and you are provided with the ability to implement these alone at home after the imaginary during the hypnosis. Within the following period, when your therapy is over, you experience a lifelong pleasurable sexual intercourse without having any problems…
 1- Fear of coutis (Coitophobia)  2- Psychosexual problems  3- Menopause complaints 4- Dysmenorrhea 5- Vaginismus 6- Lack or absence of orgasm ( clitoral and vaginal) 7- Frigidity 8- Dysparonia (painful sexual intercourse) 9- Nymphomania (overflowing desire for sexual intercourse) 10- Fear of pregnancy  11- Pregnancy nausea and vomiting  12- Fear of miscarriage 13- Painless birth
Vaginismus, according to the Merck Manuel:  
It is a vagina spasm occurs in women when the lower part of vagina muscles are tightened almost like a conditioned reflex as a result of a present subconscious will to prevent the penis from penetrating into the vagina. As most of the time penetration of the penis into the vagina is impossible, this case is observed in problematic marriages very often.”

As it is also mentioned above, this problem is a result of unconscious will and it emerges in form of a conditioned reflex…
The method to blot out this reason is to attack to the mind with its very own weapon.  Forming new positively conditioned reflex arches by making maneuvers with subconscious periods will bring success. Hypnotherapy helps us with this. Although it is written that vaginismus is observed in couples that do not love each other, it can be observed in couples that love each other very much. This is a point that I do not agree.  The golden rule of subconscious is equalization... A woman can involuntarily reflect a negative event, which had been experienced or heard in the past, to her spouse whom she loves very much. Furthermore, stretch of leg muscles also participates in the tightening of the lower part of vagina muscles…   

Vaginismus and Hypnotherapy

Wrong phrases or push ups like those of -“sexuality is bad”, “sexuality is fear”, “sexuality means too many children that cannot be looked after ", or “projection and effects of a sexual harassment experienced in the past that is pushed from conscious on today” - that our will power consciously or unconsciously (Subliminal learning- perception) coded to our subconscious, do spoil our mind-body harmony and cause us to undergo hardships. Mind is a perfect source of healing. As it can form a problem, it can also solve a problem that is present.

As İbn-i Sina says “There is a spiritual imaginative power. This power just like it can form diseases can also remove the diseases that are already present. The body has to obey the commands of the spiritual imaginative powers –imagination-.”  Moving on from this origin:

With the method of hypnosis in vaginismus cases, we form a changed consciousness state; remove the mind resistance, and succeed through the imagination techniques averagely in 6 sessions; either in weekly meetings or in a condensed one week period according to the wish of the person.

Why should you suffer from deadlocks for years? Moreover, every attempt you try but ends in failure introduces you more hardships. Couples, who tried other methods for years, do not want to believe in the result when they reach it in such a short time, because they are conditioned negatively that sexual intercourse will not happen. The solution is much closer to you than any other methods; indeed, it is beside you: The solution is your “mind”. 
What we do not recommend in vaginismus treatment:
1- Removal of the hymen, 2- Sexual intercourse under the effect of epidural or general anesthesia 3- Unattended usage of pomades, sprays and lubrications, 4- Intoxicating or benumbing the woman with drugs or alcohol,   6- Having anti depression or anxiety drugs. 7- Sitting baths with drugs like anesthesia or Vaseline, 8- Botox application to vagina  9- Suggestions of solution only in one session, 10-  Trials of sexual intercourse in the doctor’s office,  These have no place in the vaginismus treatment.
Vaginismus treatment should be accompanied by psychotherapy and hypnotherapy. You should never believe in pulling a rabbit out of a hat, and you should not perceive one session treatments as miracles. 
In vaginismus treatment, different disciplines use different ways and there is no evidence if one is superior to other (McGuire and Hawton, 2004) There are just two prospective randomized study in literature. In A field trial of the effectiveness of behavioural treatment for sexual dysfunction study, performed by Sanver and Durlak (1997), found that the success rate of for total sample 65% of 365 women. Lew Starowicz (1992) reported that the success rate of hypnotherapy is 100% whereas systematic desensetion is 89%. Munnasingle and Goonaratua (2004) addressed that couple therapy enabled penetrative sex in 80.3% of study group.
McGuire, H., Hawton, K.; Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2003; (1): CD001760.
Ozakkas, T.; Cinsel problemlerde hipnoterapi, 1993.
Starowicz, L.; Ginekologia Polska 1982; 33, 691-4.
Sarwer, D.B., Durlak, J.A.:" A field trial of the effectiviness of behavioral treatment for sexual dysfunctions." Journal of Sex &
Marital Therapy. 23 (2): 87-97, 1997.

  In vaginismus treatment, different disciplines use different ways and there is no evidence if one is superior to other (McGuire and Hawton, 2004) There are just two prospective randomized study in literature. In A field trial of the effectiveness of behavioural treatment for sexual dysfunction study, performed by Sanver and Durlak (1997), found that the success rate of for total sample 65% of 365 women. Lew Starowicz (1992) reported that the success rate of hypnotherapy is 100% whereas systematic desensetion is 89%. Munnasingle and Goonaratua (2004) addressed that couple therapy enabled penetrative sex in 80.3% of study group.
McGuire, H., Hawton, K.; Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2003; (1): CD001760.
Ozakkas, T.; Cinsel problemlerde hipnoterapi, 1993.
Starowicz, L.; Ginekologia Polska 1982; 33, 691-4.
Sarwer, D.B., Durlak, J.A.:" A field trial of the effectiviness of behavioral treatment for sexual dysfunctions." Journal of Sex &
Marital Therapy. 23 (2): 87-97, 1997.

  In vaginismus treatment, different disciplines use different ways and there is no evidence if one is superior to other (McGuire and Hawton, 2004) There are just two prospective randomized study in literature. In A field trial of the effectiveness of behavioural treatment for sexual dysfunction study, performed by Sanver and Durlak (1997), found that the success rate of for total sample 65% of 365 women. Lew Starowicz (1992) reported that the success rate of hypnotherapy is 100% whereas systematic desensetion is 89%. Munnasingle and Goonaratua (2004) addressed that couple therapy enabled penetrative sex in 80.3% of study group.
McGuire, H., Hawton, K.; Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2003; (1): CD001760.
Ozakkas, T.; Cinsel problemlerde hipnoterapi, 1993.
Starowicz, L.; Ginekologia Polska 1982; 33, 691-4.
Sarwer, D.B., Durlak, J.A.:" A field trial of the effectiviness of behavioral treatment for sexual dysfunctions." Journal of Sex &
Marital Therapy. 23 (2): 87-97, 1997.
THE MOST WONDERFUL SUCCESS STORIES Murat Ulusoy MD. Psychohypnotherapy  City: IstanbulAge: 23Profession: AccountantCivil Status: Married (8 months) It was the second day of our marriage, first day of our honeymoon. We kept this special moment for our honeymoon, but for some reason we were not successful, as if there was a wall built of a flesh that couldn’t be passed through, we tried again and again and it didn’t happen. I continuously cry asking why it doesn’t happen; my husband tries to give me solace. He says we try it for the first time, that’s why it doesn’t happen...I keep the problem to myself, and I try to smile but I have a fear inside, I always ask myself why.. My husband finds a pharmacy and tells about the situation, the pharmacist answers that this is a very common situation in newly married couples, but for some reason we fail to make it in the following days and we have decide to try when we are back to Istanbul. We were back at Istanbul, time was passing but it has not happened, still. I cry all through the night, I am about to go insane, I think I am the only one like that. Trials are always unsuccessful. Finally we left it to the time, guessing it would be fine by itself. We decided to see a doctor. He was someone we found in the internet and he said nothing can be done without the first visit and he asked for a great deal of money for that visit. And what he had done in the first visit was to say how much money was needed for the next visits. At that moment, we were very disappointed. We already underwent financial detriment, we lost our motivation but my husband said we could find this money in some ways and we had to wait a bit more. Then we held into each other tighter. Indeed, if vaginismus cannot destroy a union, nothing can do so. This is what I learnt. Two more months had passed, now it had been six months and I still hadn’t been able to solve the problem. In the mean time, I was continuously trying to learn about this illness by reading from the internet. One day I found Mr. Murat’s site. He was explaining so nice that I immediately became a member. And all of these were free of charge. First I thought, while in the market no one offers treatment under the limit of 1-1,500 TL, this man was supporting the patients without asking for money? The mails have started to arrive. I was really affected by the supporting letters of the people having the same problem. Consecutive letters of saying “I made it” encouraged me very much, and I and my husband started to do the exercises as they were written in the site. We did the exercises everyday, regularly; we consulted to the doctor when we were puzzled or blocked, our messages were, absolutely, answered within the same day. It was like a dream, it was as if the doctor has put his work aside and waiting for our questions to support us. Actually the friends in the group, who were successful, were not leaving the group but providing motivation and support, and showing a way for the ones behind. And then that day, the day I have always dreamed of…..., last week I reached the happy end, moreover; with the help this cyber support! I, this person who cried all night long for months, whose heart was bleeding and who always thought that she could never make it, made it. This is such a sense that cannot be expressed. The one, who does not go through it, cannot understand. And now I, as well, will go on supporting my friends who are behind. Finally, I am proud that Turkey has such doctors and I want to thank him thousand times more… HAVVA
I had my wedding on 17April 2005 and the night I had dreamed for years was finally there. During my engagement period I made researches, I read and learned many things about how to experience the first night comfortably and also about the vaginismus problem. But what I have learned was not enough. I had many things to learn. For example, I was saying I would never have vaginismus; I loved my husband; he would never hurt me. While I was thinking so, I was already captured by this illness. We tried a bit in our first night. When we realized that it did not happen, we were stressed; we left it and decided to try in our honeymoon. We returned from the four night long honeymoon vacation without succeeding it. Distressing days were upon us. I could only tell this to my sister and to my best friend. In the mean time, my mother was very sick and she was receiving chemotherapy treatment. As my sister’s mind and time was busy with her, I did not want her to worry about me; for this reason, I lied saying we made it. She was relaxed. In the mean time, it had already been 1.5 months and there was no progress. One day when I was again wandering around madly, my husband’s sister called and she got that there was something wrong. Then we opened ourselves to her and asked her to suggest a doctor for us. We visited a woman gynecologist and I told her about the situation. I had difficulties lying to the examination seat but the examination was easy. She said that there are no physiologic problems, and this may have even happened to a gynecologist and she suggested that we try a bit more. She advised for a psychologist but I rejected. Another 1.5 months have passed and we were married for 3 months. My reactions such as crying crisis, fights, silence, rejection to eat, stomach nauseas and avoiding sex increased. I was not working and I was continuously watching the media-oriented doctor on TV, crying. I decided to see him and I would turn my gold, given in my wedding, into cash. In such a situation, the money was not that important but he was saying that he was fixing this problem in one session and this was not sounding confident both to me and to my husband. My husband’s sister suggested a doctor. He wanted to make an examination in the first session. I could not, I constantly cried. His approach was nice but he was old. I felt very ashamed and I was constricted. He didn’t push me. I was introduced to finger exercises there. He told me that I work for two weeks. When I said I cannot work with fingers, he gave me a metal plug. I could work with for two nights, but I had so much tightening that it could be only 1 cm in. At the end of the second week, it could be 3 cm so far. Then I had my period, and the session was delayed. In the second session, he told me that I should move further. He said we would continue with the finger. One finger, first node, second none, third node and 2 fingers 1 node. When I heard the two fingers, my eyes popped out and I really thought that was not possible. I never went there again. (In the mean time, after I succeeded, his secretary called and instead of asking about my situation, she said that we should return back the plug, yet I did not know that it was needed to be returned, so I had already thrown it away.) 
Another two months have passed. We were learning other ways to satisfy each other. But I was saying that I was an incomplete person and I wanted to have a divorce, crying. And my husband, every time was answering that divorce will never happen and we would make it. I started working on 16th of November. I had internet now and my researcher spirit started to take control. I met someone in a site and she gave me the address of She, herself, had also been a member but departed for she was very busy. I read every part of the site over and over again. Then I called the doctor and when I learnt that he was in Aydın, I joined the group. The letters were dreamlike. They were also coming to me, and I was reading success stories constantly. I was telling to my husband what I read everyday. I started with my exercises bit by bit. Each step was a bit more difficult but when I was used to it I really believed that something could penetrate into there. Yes mine was like everyone else’s and penis could penetrate into there. J Each success story was motivating me and I was advancing further.
We started with penis exercises. It was not happening. Before each exercise, there was fight and tears, and unwillingness etc. I was again in a difficult period. In the mean time, our sister who knew about this, was not pressuring us but motivating us saying ‘do not hurry; it is sure that it will happen, anyway’. My friend was just trying to motivate me and she couldn’t believe it thinking ‘How come a brave person like fail to overcome it’…
We talked about this matter with my friend on a Friday night. I said: ‘Those who succeeded in are increasing in the site, I also wanna write I MADE IT in capitals.’ She replied me: ‘Maybe you will write it on Monday, who knows’ On Saturday night I had an argument with my husband. He made me mad. He would leave home for his work at night and I said I wanted to sleep in the living room instead of the bedroom. We unfolded the couch in the living room and we were watching T.V lying and I was actually put out with him. He was approaching me and saying “I will go to work, do not send me so’. I couldn’t resist and replied him. I was encouraged and after a short foreplay I said I wanted the penis stay only at the vagina entrance. He promised not to go further and we were hugging and caressing like that. Suddenly, I felt a very light burning and warmth. He has gone further, without a need of any interruption. Almost its half was in. Later we spent our last hour trying. I could even have all of it inside me. That night he went to work and I didn’t sleep till morning, we sent messages and talked to each other. When he was back in the morning, we hugged each other and slept. All they we celebrated.
Now, though very little, the first penetration is problematic. There is no problem after long foreplays. I am well relaxed and wet. Now we are thinking of a baby, but first we have a vacation J
My story is so, but it doesn’t mean that it is over. All stories of us will end at the same point: When there will be no woman with vaginismus!!!
I have been a member to this site approximately for 20 days. But this is the first time I write. Previously, I preferred being silent. I got married with my husband 1.5 years ago after nice a- 5-year long flirting period. My husband had a very serious traffic accident before we got married and when he came out of the coma, his left side was paralyzed. We got married in two months after this accident and my husband has not recovered his health completely by then. We failed in our first trial but we thought that it was sourced from my husband. Then we tried few times more and it was the same disappointment. For a year, we have never thought that the problem could source from me. A year later we moved to USA for my education. After the last doctoral examination of my husband, we learnt that my husband had recovered completely, has got back his old strength and there was no trace of the accident anymore. Upon this, we tried it again after a long while; failure again. For the first time, that day I thought the problem sourced from me. Previously, I watched a program and learnt that something called Vaginismus had existed. We diagnosed it with my husband. L Now, we were sure.
Immediately we started to search with my husband. We talked to many doctors from Turkey but they all said that I had to be in Turkey for sure. And this was not possible. Lastly, my husband met with Mr. Doctor Murat through the internet and he instantly contacted with him. Actually we were lucky in that we met with Mr. Murat so soon and we started exercising. J
Actually at first I didn’t believe that this problem can be solved by talking through the messenger, but due to my husband’s insists we started with the meetings. The first day that I talked to Mr. Murat via messenger gave me much confidence, and from that day on I believed that I could overcome this.
I am still a student and I never distinguished vaginismus exercises from my other studies. Just like the way I study for my other courses, I studied my vaginismus exercises with the same care. Moreover, I really liked the exercises. When we bought an artificial penis to home, my husband was not pleased with the situation. I worked hard everyday and in a very short time like 10 days, we made it.
We have never made vaginismus a problem to our marriage, indeed we were always happy; but, we are happier now.
We owe all of these to Mr. Murat. Glad that you exist. Thank you very much…………….
I was on a very well point in terms of my profession. In a period when I worked dense, in the twinkling of an eye, I got married with the person whom I had been having a love affair for 6 years. I did not have any serious fear about the first night. There were just some scary words that my married friends formed in my subconscious. They commented about the first night as follows: “it is like making a hole on the wall with a drill.” I have never thought that this sentence would make such a terrible effect on me. On the contrary, it has nothing to do with it. After the first night, we were about to do our first trial. I was so scared and shaking that I was like a new born chick with trembling and begging eyes. My husband also didn’t mean to hurt me. He could not resist my tears. I was perceiving sexual intercourse as a violent event.
I and my husband were working so intensively. Within this intensity, time passed very quickly. While at first my husband was offering to try again, he also got sick and tired and he did not utter about this topic for a long while. He was abstaining from expressing about this topic. I learnt that my problem is named vaginismus from my mother who was my second confidant. My mother continuously supported me. She reminded me that I needed to solve my problem without wasting time. She said that this problem of mine is more important than my carrier and I should see a doctor to solve it. She mentioned the name of the doctor in the media. My husband said seeing this doctor would not be a solution, but the solution was me; I would solve it. Well but how was I supposed to solve it alone? I bought many books about this subject and read them. I tried to learn the anatomic structure of the vagina. I was so ignorant about this, I was claiming that my vagina had an abnormal structure and there was not only one but few more inputs for penetration. In this period thinking that I was abnormal I started to lose my confidence in me. I quitted my beloved job within the intensity and the confusion saying enough is enough. I was like I bottomed out, I was in nervous breakdowns and in a crying status asking why me. Somehow we went to see the doctor. He asked for a really huge price. I asked ‘how can you give me a guarantee, is this the solution? How can the treatment you apply solve it in two minutes? These are anesthesia drugs but what about the resistance and fears in my brain?’ I got so illogical answers that I was demoralized. I returned back home with a huge disappointment that day. With that expensive price we had few suggestions and drugs, and returned back as deceived fools. The person, who is in trouble, unfortunately knocks the wrong door. Human health could not be manipulated so simply.
My husband continuously prayed for me that ‘I meet someone who had vaginismus problem but solved it’.
I made so many searches on the internet; there were many stories on many sites but I was just reading them. In a very lucky moment of mine, I came across our site, “” which is worthy, sensitive and ready for helping in return of nothing. Then I sent a message to Dr. Ulusoy saying that I want to join the group. I was really happy with the interested, caring reply. I was reading the messages in my inbox delivered everyday at an instant. As time passed, I realized that I was indeed not alone in my corner where I always felt to be alone. After my first letter, I received much attention. Many friends have contacted with me. They supported me to have start and make a step. They were kind of giving a group therapy. Day by day I started to be re-connected with life again. I had started to do finger exercises with my vagina which I was afraid to touch alone. This study way which I used to react against at first, made me so happy. I should admit that what made me so happy about this topic was the day when I could start finger exercises. As the time passed, I progressed. I had times when I had problems with my husband, I was desperate, and I gave up, but the first support that I received from Dr. Ulusoy in the group compressed my tears. Also with the intensive care and support of my group friends, I recovered in a short time. Without demoralization and with ambition I reached to the penis stage. Now I am trying to discover sexuality. The group discussions are not only about finger exercises, although our aim is to reach our targets, we can share many of our problems without hesitation. I find myself very lucky for I have met with this group. I thank to Dr. Ulusoy and my friends.
I am married for 21 months. Different than other friends I knew that I have this problem before getting married. All right; I loved my husband very much but I was thinking of the first night, like a nightmare. At first, we tried it by ourselves, and each time was a disappointment for sure. Those crying, tightening… While my husband could not resist my tears, the time was passing… I visited a psychologist at a university hospital four months after our marriage. I talked about my fears. He diagnosed it: phobia!!!!!! He gave me a psychometric drug. He said I used it for a month and if I was not healed, I would visit him again and then we would see other treatments. In fact, he mentioned a very long period. There was no hope. Actually I used the medicine for few days, and that did not work for anything except for making me sleep. I quitted taking the medicine.
Seven months later than this event we thought the psychologist couldn’t solve this problem, so we should see a gynecologist. And again we went to see a gynecologist of a private hospital. She asked what my problem was. I answered her saying I was married for one year but still I hadn’t had sexual intercourse with my husband. She said lay down to see if there was something abnormal. With difficulties, I laid down on that seat. She opened it as much as possible. I hardly resisted. I thought the hymen was tore apart at that moment. She said my hymen was thick. I pushed away her from myself. She said if I did the same to my husband, our marriage would be over. I was demoralized worse. She prescribed anaesthole and a tranquillizer. She said that I tried with these and if they didn’t help, she would cut my hymen by anaesthetizing me. Of course I left that place crying. As soon as I left the place, I told everything to my husband. And he sure called the woman a b…. He said we would solve it by ourselves. Thanks God that my husband was supportive. Later we tried with the anaesthole. It burnt it more and it didn’t happen again. Two months later, one day I gained my courage and said I would do this today. I had little alcohol and told this to my husband. That day we managed to get through the hymen. The half of the penis was in. But there was neither lubricant nor something else. There was a little bleeding. We were thinking that everything would be fine, but nothing changed. In the following days, as if it was not me who gained her courage, I stepped back to the very beginning. 8 months passed. Few months ago, I found Mr. Murat’s site. I was always searching about this subject in the internet. And what my other friends are going through are so similar. It was a much support for me. Now I am about to come to the stage of single finger, third node. I believe that I will make it. I thank for everything. I am not alone…
I will have been married for two years in June. Before getting married, if I was told that I would have vaginismus problem and I would live with this problem more than 1.5 years I wouldn’t believe it. I definitely had no fear of the first night. When my girlfriends asked “ARE YOU SCARED OF THE FIRST NIGHT?”; I was answering “HELL, WHY SHALL I?” Maybe the reason of my fearlessness was because I had physical approaches with my husband before getting married.
I started to have a little anxiety when the first night finally came. But it was not so dense. When I felt a pain, I started to cry. I thought that it would be very easy. I knew that it would not hurt if I did not constrict myself, but somehow I couldn’t do it. We delayed it saying we would do it in the honeymoon. We tried again on the first evening of our honeymoon. This time I had one-two drops of blood. We rejoiced thinking that hymen was gone. Indeed, we rejoiced thinking that it would be easier now on then. But it didn’t happen so.
While saying let’s try this way, let’s try with muscle relaxant, 3—4 months passed. We decided to see a gynecologist. I had a woman doctor from Uzbekistan, to my luck. She asked: “YES, WHAT IS OUR PROBLEM?” I answered, “I cannot have sexual intercourse with my husband.” She said OHHH, why”. I said “I involuntarily constrict myself, Can you examine me”, but I failed to have an examination, putting down my legs saying they hurt. She sent me off saying “Men easily gets cold, if he fails to find the care he seeks, he searches for it in others”; “Why shouldn’t you be able to do it, do not constrict yourself. Come on” When I got into the car, I started to cry. I was telling it to my husband, crying, “This was my last option, I asked her to prescribe a relaxation pill; but even she didn’t do it”. My husband was trying to stop me crying by saying: “Don’t cry, why you are crying?”
In a chocolate commercial, there was a slogan saying “TRIAL NUMBER WHATEVER”. I was telling so to my husband at the beginning of our each trial. I was trying to approach by joking, but in reality I was bleeding. Not when I was with him, but when alone I was always crying. Apart from my husband, I was sharing my problem with the daughter of my aunt. And she was always suggesting that we visited this media- oriented doctor. Each time this doctor appeared on TV, I was watching him, crying. If our financial condition were fine, we would go him immediately. I am glad that we couldn’t. If we had gone, despite that much money, we would have been treated inhumanly.
We spent 1.5 years saying let’s do this way, let’s do that way. Surely, I was always buying muscle relaxant drugs from the pharmacy. I felt sleepy but at that very moment my eyes were popping. In the mean time, the number of questions if we were planning to have a child was increasing. We were not able to make it, which child they were talking about?
As I was in search of a muscle relaxant in the internet, I came across with the address of I couldn’t believe that such a website existed. I asked Dr. Murat Ulusoy to take me to the group by sending him an email. And the act of Mr. Murat granting me to the group became the turning point of my life.
I already had examined every part of the site. Especially the letters of succeeding friends motivated me very much. At first it seemed like I would not be able to do the finger exercises. I could touch my vagina but since I thought that I would feel pain, I was thinking that I could not do it. I decided to buy Gleit-gelen gel. At the first times my friends Ayse and Arzu helped me very much. Later Deniz also helped me. There is no need to mention the doctor, because he was making comments under each mail and he was answering my questions.
I started with the finger exercises on Saturday, 21January. It did not happen on the first day. But on the second day I was able to have single finger in my vagina. This was a very big step for me. I was crying out of happiness. Later, I started to do other steps written in Ayse’s diary. When I succeeded in each step, I was enormously happy. Now, I believed that I could succeed. I was confident, because I made concrete steps. I was not deceiving myself anymore as I did in my 1.5 year old marriage, because I WAS NOT ALONE. There was Dr. Murat Ulusoy. I was receiving answers to all of my questions. I had friends who had the same problem before, helping me and sharing their experiences. I was feeling lucky.
Finally, I could have sexual intercourse with my husband on Tuesday, 2 March. I did not feel anything and thus I was continuously asking my husband, “IS IT OVER NOW?” My husband was saying, “THIS PROBLEM IS OVER” but I could not believe in it. It is weird, I didn’t cry. I always dreamed about the moment we succeeded. Even when I dreamed of it, I was crying. That moment has arrived but I couldn’t cry because of the shock. At that moment I was just thinking of the fact that how I failed to do such a simple thing for 1.5 years.
Of course I was not going to waste my time pity for the passed 1.5 years. I immediately wrote Dr Murat Ulusoy that I succeeded. I wrote that my thanking would never be enough but I would remain in the group and help my friends who try to overcome this problem.
Now I see myself and my husband as a real couple. Now I can tell that nice days are upon us. Now I can tell to those relatives around me that we will think of having a child. Now I do not talk about vaginismus with the daughter of my aunt who married after me but had no problem of fear of the first night. Whenever I think of it, I pray for Dr. Murat Ulusoy for founding this group, for taking me into this group and for answering all of my questions so sincerely. I also pray for my friends Ayse, Arzu and Deniz as well.
I solved this problem but it is not over yet. There are still a great number of women that I cannot count. There are many women who cannot share their problems like me. I will remain in the group and I will help new friends as much as I can. I will tell them I went through the same things and take away their loneliness. I will exclaim to new friends what they told to me when I joined the group that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!..........
I also wanted to share my story ... in my way
Deniz Kaya (Ankara, age 29- university graduate- I do not work)
I have been married for 7 years and I overcame vaginismus 3 months ago...
My story as well, like everyone else’s, started when I got married... a nice flirting, followed by engagement days, a love thrived in an intoxicating beauty and finally marriage...
And while everything was fine, this problem appearing as a pop up! A person undergoes through different stages in vaginismus.
I, too, could not understand what was happening at first. I had never heard of such a problem before and I was thinking that I was the first person having this... later I learned that I was not the first, but knowing this did not help to heal my pain, I was just relaxed…
Whatever I have done, didn’t help. My resistance was increasing day by day. Why I was failing to do something that everybody could do comfortably! I asked this question so many times to myself … couldn’t find the answer… The most difficult thing about it was not to be sharing this with anyone… not to display the fire inside but burn slowly…
It took a long while for me to comprehend the situation. Then the decision period to start receiving treatment started. A difficult and depressive period … whom to go, how and what to tell… first we searched the hospitals in the city where we were but as days passed our hopes ran out, because their answers were the same: “right now we do not offer such a treatment but you shall come and we find something…”
But I was not asking that they do something to me, I was asking that they understand me. I was expecting that they say yes, we understand you, don’t be sorry, this problem has a treatment and it is very easy. As years passed I retired into myself more and I could never find the key to unlock myself… and so the years have passed..
In the mean time we moved into a bigger city and we start to see one of a well respected psychiatrists in Turkey..
Now I had other problems than vaginismus. I was hating sex, being a woman and also everything… and my long therapy period had started.. With my psychiatrist I overcame many things.. I overcame things that I thought I could never, things that I resisted not to talk for months.. I started to be normalize slowly.. After each therapy I progressed bit by bit and reached to penis penetration…
Later... then it is again darkness.. no matter I did, I was not able to pass through this dark period.. so I left everything ... unplugged myself. I got to know Mr. Murat when I said I gave up everything..
It was December.. and I was very scared
Then I wrote an e-mail to Dr. Murat with my trembling hands and this was how I joined in our group. For the first time, I didnt feel myself alone... This has became the most importat sentence of my life with vaginismus
The infinite self-sacrificing approach of Mr. Murat, an understanding and never judging person... he became a very close person to me in time. He did understand me...
This me, who gave up everything, found the power to retry with this group.. and in a very short time after I joined the group, I came over vaginismus... now in this group, I help my friends who are struggling with vaginismus and this gives me much pleasure...
I thank to dear Dr. Murat Ulusoy who got us together in such an environment and I want to appeal to all women, you are not alone!...
Pınar30 Married for 22 months Teacher Before I got married, I saw a gynecologist to have some information about my hymen for I had fears of the first night. The gynecologist gave me an anesthetic cream. We tried with the cream when we got married and for sure it didn’t work. After that each night trials and nights of disappointments and fights went on. My husband was in a bad condition. He was not eating, talking but only trying to convince me how easy it was. On the other hand I was talking about divorce and my husband was not accepting it. I could not resist anymore and mentioned this to a friend of mine, of course feeling a bit shy. My friend talked about vaginismus and that day we could name the problem.I started to see a psychiatrist. At first I proceeded very quickly. I succeeded single finger exercises but then I was stuck. I could progress neither with two fingers nor with the penis. After that I started to search more in the internet and I wrote what I wrote to Dr. Murat Ulusoy. (I wrote many other doctors along with him) I received a reply only from Mr. Ulusoy. He told me that I was progressing fine and I could follow the group. So my group membership started. ( I guess it was around February, 2006) I did not write many letters to the group, most of the time I read the coming messages. What was written there was like what I had been through. Everybody was making suggestions to each other, and when there were wrong suggestions, Mr. Murat was correcting them. This was inspiring confidence. We could as Mr. Murat when we were confused and most importantly we were receiving replies. I found Glenit-gelen gel through the site. ( I was using baby-oil. A friend has written that there was a huge difference between the baby-oil and the Glenit-Gelen gel) Since I knew how the friends worked with two fingers overcame their tensions, I tried 2 fingers by making the breathing exercises and by using the gel and it penetrated. I had a little burning but I knew from the site that it would feel so but would disappear very soon. And indeed, it happened so.(If the site did not exist, maybe I would give up saying it hurts) I studied 2 fingers for a while. Again with the support of my friends, I tried on April,6. We took the position explained in the site. With my husband we had the gel, and I ordered my breathing and after a while my husband said it was over. I screamed: was that so easy. I approved those friends who said penis step is a piece of cake after working with 2 fingers.Immediately I wrote to the friends in the site that I overcame vaginismus hoping that it serves as a light to someone, because what was written here was hope and light to me. I would like to state that I overcame vaginismus but still I haven’t reached the pleasure stage. But I know from the site that everything will be fine step by step. Now we do pleasure exercises with my husband. The friends also write about this and when I am confused I ask questions. I know that I will also overcome it. The most important feature of this group is that you receive the support of people who go through the same with you and who understand you and that you can read the comments and can re-correct the mistakes we have known as the truth with the help of the doctor. What we want is that there will be no women with vaginismus in Turkey and even in the world and they shall know that they are not alone in the period of treatment… (because when a person first meets with this problem, she thinks that she is the only one having this problem in the world) Once again I thank to all people in the group and to Mr. Murar…glad that you are present… with my lobe (if you have anything to ask, I will again try to answer)Pınar